July 2015 facebook notes and thoughts

I just had a dejavu with Ana P about the necessity of objectivisation. And also about the dilema about why people vilified it.
Objectification is one of the original TMs of human race.

I used to talk alone. Now it got to be an online talking. A video talking. Sometimes through others but is still talking alone. Talking for the pleasure of the idea and the act itself of talking. Of uttering in a belived reality something of you inner most.
I still believe that we have two outsides one in reality and another in interiority.
I guess it is a circle somehow.

Civilisation is the product of OCD obsessions in people.
For the rest of us there is only freedom and existence.
Poverty, insecurity and lack of soap.

Sub orice critica,
that is the place I want to be.

We use soap in our desperate desire to become humans.
Our life project is to be recognized and legalized as humans.

I’ve never met a true artist.
I am living in fake and mediocre.
Is all I know, all I feel all that concerns me.

People can’t believe in a religion with all their heart, can’t respect a system of law and order, can’t trust their own pleasures and fears, because all that they believe in is the all powerful deep and unconscious Gene – that is why in anthropology there is an oral unknown all powerful law, called the law of the land.
‪#‎Genes‬ are out most intimate guides and friends. They are our God and wisdom and truth. They are the only one we should trust.
Consciousness is too young in comparison. Is too wild and puerile. Gene’s Way is the Tao.
Consciousness will never be able to rewrite the Genetic code. It can only Scramble it, a bit. All modifications end in Death.
Genes self protection. They order suicide when they feel a strange force conquering their perfection.
Genes never experiment, never try things, they are all knowing all controlling, all perfect.
These days consciousness is their main enemy. Our lives are all developing in the middle of this total war.
Genes vs Consciousness.
Old vs Young.
Known vs Unknown.

Please learn to tolerate the untolerant, otherwise your fight for tolerance is only a lie.

Sincerity is so difficult to reach it has become a sign of greatness.
For all the other good people is only the ‪#‎exercise‬ of rule, rigor, structure and empathy.

Cristi Puiu is lying, he should be at least honest about that. Alexandru Solomon or Lucia Hossu Longin are better at Cristi Puiu that Cristi Puiu himself.
Why does he do films?

Knowing is fast
Learning is slow
Understanding scares

Nature kills itself
We are part of nature
And we cant talk to her, there is no one there to understand why she does it.
It is in our nature – and these days our nature is wrong – and we dint know why.
Nature is a dieing suferind. All we can do is try and understand why.
Nature got suicidal. It invented humankind.

I am just a sign

Gay should remain underdog and marginal and the state should help them.
Please don’t let even the Gay, the last freedom fighters, to become just another boring normal man/woman.
Without someone to fight for sexual freedom this world will collapse.
Fighting for LGBT rights is a pure cause, it should never end. It is better than religious fights or race or ethnic fights for tolerance and freedom.
Don’t make Gay Bourgeois, they are fighters. The true revolutionaries.

My most successful activity is by far gay artistic erotica.

Normality is just a particular type of trance.

Never ask for nothing, do only with what you have, and always give give give.
Otherwise ‘they’ will eat your soul.

The solution to all is to disconnect
When i go home i disconnect
Is not to fight to acquire what you need to feed the comfy but to disconnect from the innitial pain
To find a way, a process, a ritual, a method to disconnect
Into…
Disconnection is not into less but doxocally is always into hing more, sonethu deeper.
I guess my main theme is Disconnection – first through death – then through light and divinity – linear a through music and special living – yka through becoming a different species – Obscur through repatterning – apologia looking for disconnection.

Poverty creates neurosis.
Because poverty can no longer provide meaning and life fulfilling experiences.
The art of living in poverty is long gone.
It is am extinct species. Killed by industrialization.
But knowing it once existed, we in our post-industrial age, try to revive it.

I believe in the divine spark of the illiterate.

Genes vs Consciousness

People can’t believe in a religion with all their heart, can’t respect a system of law and order, can’t trust their own pleasures and fears, because all that they believe in is the all powerful deep and unconscious Gene – that is why in anthropology there is an oral unknown all powerful law, called the law of the land.

‪#‎Genes‬ are out most intimate guides and friends. They are our God and wisdom and truth. They are the only one we should trust.
Consciousness is too young in comparison. Is too wild and puerile. Gene’s Way is the Tao.

Consciousness will never be able to rewrite the Genetic code. It can only Scramble it, a bit. All modifications end in Death.
Genes self protection. They order suicide when they feel a strange force conquering their perfection.

Genes never experiment, never try things, they are all knowing all controlling, all perfect.
These days consciousness is their main enemy. Our lives are all developing in the middle of this total war.

Genes vs Consciousness.
Old vs Young.
Known vs Unknown.

Doro about our #Beings experience on set and in the film

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In November 2014 Andrei and I were working on #Beings together. I played Eva and here are some words about this experience:

I didn´t know Andrei and his work but I was very interested, when I first read about the idea of this movie.
On friday night, he sent me the script.
On Saturday I spent the day thinking about it – as there were a lot of aspects that made me face some of my biggest fears …
Saturday night, I suddenly had the feeling that it was right to give it a try.
On Sunday we met for the first time.
On Monday I met the cast and crew.
On Tuesday we started filming.
For someone like me, this was more than quick.

Well, I like long preparations. I like safety – or always considered myself being someone that likes safety and is in love with clear structures (as boring as it may sound).
So doing this movie was an adventure to me. But during the whole process, it just felt right and I enjoyed this adventure very much.

The relationship between actor and director is a very fragile one and in my opinionl, if it doesn´t work, everything feels like fighting alone for a lost case. You lose connection to your character, your partner and the story because you are busy protecting and defending yourself.
So I appreciate Andrei´s natural talent of working with actors. He created an atmosphere of security and trust. By putting trust in me, I was able to take some risks and to cross some borders, I had built up for myself some time ago. I always felt safe, so I wanted to jump …
There was always enough time to get in touch with your character, to try, to fail and to try again. I personally enjoy this kind of working the most because this makes me feel like part of the story, not like an accessory put in the right place. Andrei’s way of filming and using the camera may be different, but to me it makes sense. We did a lot of intimate moments and I was able to forget about the camera very easily. It felt more like a partner than an observer.
As we only had a small team and almost no financial support – everyone was asked to put their energy and belief in this project. It was cold, it was dark, it was confusing and we got lost … but I loved every second with you guys – in the car, on the road and in the forest, discovering lost buildings and hidden emotions.

I do believe in Andrei and his way of filmmaking. He is not afraid to ask questions and to discover and show what lies underneath common aesthetics. It would be great to find people to work with. People who support us and our ideas.
I´m looking forward to work with Andrei and this team again and I´m excited about what kind of adventure comes next!

Let´s rock –
Doro

Nature got Suicidal

Nature kills itself.
We are part of nature.
And we cant talk to her, there is no one there to understand why she does it.
It is in our nature – and these days our nature is wrong – and we dint know why.
Nature is a dieing suferind. All we can do is try and understand why.
Nature got suicidal. It invented humankind.

Kali Yuga?

We play on Incompatibility

I guess that one of the roots of it all is the natural incompatibility between people, coupled with their need to work, pleasure, survive together.
This is how and why all the beauty arises.
That is why all trouble rise.
We are all incompatible with each other [ie. the refusal of a foreign replacing organ] putting it all behind is our daily struggle, and making and being good is our second added weight. That is why so few do it.
That is why all the violence, all the meaningless, all the class and social unrest and abuse.
That is why our need to disconnect – through pleasure, luxury, success, pride, promiscuity, religion, drugs, entertainment, art and intellectual escapism, even scientific method.
Disconnection is our natural drive to reconnect to a state of purity. And that is often painful and fearful. And that is so often refused and deemed evil.

june facebook notes and thoughts

I write a lot of unmade projects.

de ce pornografia strica reputatia?
de ce orice activitate sexuala publica strica o reputatie?
ce este o reputatie de poate fi stricata astfel?
pe ce se construieste o reputatie? oare pe aceleasi false si comune pretentiozitati?
daca sint un mare pianist de concert, de ce nu pot sa apar intr-un film gay scat violent alegoric la lupta culturii impotriva violentei si vilificarii tandretei masculine?
reputatie – este un minunat titlu de film
impreuna cu titlul Ugly – la care ma tot gindesc astazi.
multumesc Cosmin pentru thought provocation

I still can’t decide
To learn guitar and music
Or to explore it by myself
Append to tradition and good/best ways – append to their goals and values and forms
Or explore raw new unstable wrong ways?

Humanity is not the purpose of life.
But without humanity we couldn’t miss the meaning of life.

Some art forms are not compatible with all cultures.
Those left outside globalization find difficult to understand and even cope with the new thinking, new feeling, new understanding of life.
Romania will never make it. We will remain eternal.
We live our live, our art is only about remembering spirit. Our tradition, our ancestry is not material, is only a very subtle feeling. A truth.
Romanians have the purest spirituality in the world. And you can understand it only in its absence.

un loc unde sa pot spune – veniti la mine

How many lives do you have?
How many lives do you want?

I will always be grateful to the human kind for the discovery and passage from generation to generation of Love.
Maybe few feel, but in any moment we can lose it. We can forget about it, and maybe there will be thousands and thousands of years without it.

I am good at being awkward.
I just don’t yet understand what awkward is. Its isness. So I still fear it. And maybe that is why I do gay porn.

Don’t let feelings boss you around.

I dont like the idea of sexy

Always look for good in people, help them do it, let them do it.
Never coerce people into doing things. Never buy people into doing things. Often it makes them harm.
It is your duty, everyone’s duty to search and exploit each other’s good.
Exploitation of the good in people not exploitation of the people.
I know it is always difficult to make the daily choice – should I sacrifice myself for another, or should I sacrifice another for myself.
I guess it is easier if you think about the good. The good in people. Even the most hidden one.

Is not only about strong emotions. Is about the most subtle as well.

How can you deal with that? Is the question to the wise. Is the mission of wisdom.

Truth is always dangerous.
Truth is always radical.
Everything else is good.

Facile and…. is the norm. Birth is a bad luck that happened to us and we only work to get through it as quickly and as painless as possible.

Feeling lonely among humans.

We are all such wimps. And if not wimps, then it means we are just woefully lame and small.

They invented Idealism only because Technicalities of making things always kill the soul and people became confused. Is there a soul? Why is everything so cluttered and muddy? Is there no soul?
So Idealism cleaned it all and said, yes there is the Soul, is just that all you do and are, dirty it, malformes it, and hides it. So you need to really really look for it to find it again.
Especially after 30 years old.

The curse of human race, to keep it all the time on the narrow, straight and middle. In the zero.

Obscur 3rd film’s trilogy of Silence

obscur casting copy

Se pare ca Film Independent – Dormi Trezeste-Te si ‪#‎Vietati‬ fac parte dintr-o trilogie a Linistii, trilogie la care sper sa pot face si ‪#‎Obscur‬, un al treilea proiect care exploreaza intimitatea cu noi insine si relatia ei cu jurul, cu extremitatea, cu rolul nostru in lume.

It is a one hour long film called ‪#‎Obscur‬, a film about a chance meet between an immortal suicidal man and a paranoiac raped woman. Each one trying to use the other into fulfilling their existential, life-threading need to give meaning to an obligatory existence.
[ +18 ]
NUKU
Becoming an object is crazy, Mara tried to,
and became a demon.
Don’t try it Clara, please don’t
try it.

CLARA
Please…

may facebook notes and thoughts

There are so much more important problems than the problems of the ‪#‎soul‬
Should we ignore them, of ignore the soul? Well…
I guess we should ignore the thing that gives one, the least amount of pain and trouble.
I often wonder if I would care for these stupid issues, if in my teens I would discover some kind of popular talent.
I guess those that have nothing, remain with only their soul. Or become savage impotent angry animals.

A true ‪#‎cult‬ movie never promotes itself, its just left for dead until it putrefies and after one or two generations is found again, now purified of all contextuality.
A true cult film is found through wandering. Wandering on the way.
It all comes from the belief that is direct communication is not necessary, that only by putting thing into existence, through consciousness into the meta will spread and fly into the world and rain onto everyone.
ie: Tibetan prayers, Monastic Christianity, Theravada Buddhism, Taoism.
There are some things that need to be told in ‪#‎silence‬.

Cind ma gindesc ca peste 40 de ani nu o sa mai inteleg nimic din lume, si ca o sa ma raportez la zilele astea si la lumea asta de acum. Silly.

Cinema is drifting out of Cinema
I am getting further and further away from Cinema.
I am starting not to understand it more and more.

Am I feeling right?
Am I feeling correct?
Am I feeling real?
Am I feeling like the others do?
Am I feeling good?
Or what I feel is just weird and …

Instead of art we can get a pet and a family, is much more easy and much more usefull. The insight is greater and at the end of life you are so much more accomplished.
Art is only for those few that dedicate their life to very organisational work and all else don’t have the time to truly get into. So they request help from the artists.
For the rest entertainment is all they want, because the philosophy and soul, they already have in their homes. Entertainment helps them with a little extreme experience wink emoticon for their life is so beautiful and balanced and meaningfull.

People prefer to be Alone than be around the Wrong People – people around whom they have to hide, people that will turn against them if they would find out the truth.
Find your people. Or dream alone.

I never made my mother prowd. Making my mother prowd always felt weird and wrong. Maybe thats why I dont have any knowledge or understanding for the normal ways of things.

How is that all sexual related things emancipates us so much? Why does sexual exploration enlighten us so much? How come it makes us so much understanding and tolerant? What is sex? What is the mind frame, the emotional frame of sex?

Goodbye Reality welcome Humanity
Goodbye Humanity welcome Reality

I am just a medium. Sometimes a translator. Film.

Becoming better usually means hiding the dirt. And anything left alone in the dark becomes alienating and histerical.
Becoming better should be about understanding dirt. About education of ones own dirt into light.

In essence all you want to do is help all human kind in better living their lives.
All humanity, not a child, not a mother, not a friend or a food and comfort provider.

Why does the Mob gives you so much power, happiness and feeling of freedom and independenc?

Is good to help others because you forget about yourself. About your own regrets, defects and promises. Feels goood.

Why do people ask God for help? What is this God that can comfort even the heaviest disease even the most painful despair? Weird. Fascinating.

Why Fantasy and not Reality?
Because Fantasy is the Ruler. Because only with fantasy we have transformed a tree in lumber. Only due to our fantasy we could cut the tree off.
Reality doesn’t exist.

Outside the Art World there is a very dangerous bloody jungle of human beings.
Creepy. Crippling feeling.
I guess that is why so many artists choose to play them and full them, and keep them in a suspended state until they can run away from there.
The Suspend of Disbelief theory.

Is not about becoming better, but the struggle about finding meaning in the ill faulty way we are [we have become][but perfect in our own eyes].
see the popularity of anger/frustration in the people vs the calm ones.
beware// new age is just another form of anger/frustration projection

When you realize for the first time, you have lost all connections with the mainstream, is an amazing feeling of awe and ecstatic dread.

Some try to become more real – some try to become more fake.

Normal People are on the verge of extinction.

What if…
there would be no fight anymore
no fight with the others
no fight with oneself
no fight with fears
no fight with desires
what if…
there would be only infinite reach of the soul
in one single infinite imaginary point of ‪#‎singularity‬

It hurts only for the contender to a Throne

the fake and frustration appears… because they want to sell.

Sometimes is better not to change. When the world keeps changing not for the better.
About my mother.

For me the Body it its most Open and essential form is the Sexual Body – the sexual fragility and defenceless. My question is how do we are, how can we ‘be, what can we ‘be’ in that kind of Sexual World. Why Society build itself over it. Why did it hide on it? Is our Evilness and Diseased kind of beings so powerful? So overwhelming that we are not able to extend to create our Purity?

Inside intimacy there is no place to hide.
No place to turn your back.
No place to step back.

Is there something that you wouldn’t do with yourself?
That you wouldn’t let to be done onto you?
What is it that keeps you blocked?
Why?

I can’t change the human nature.
I can’t even create a small space of fictional changed HN.
I’ve hit some basalt.

truth is traveling only through silence
fear is my sixth sense
sublimation
I’ve forgot how I feel myself
death is the center of life
all chaos is organic
heaven is but an empty room

Are we humans? I hope not.

Towards Tolerance was always Intolerance

I always loved Abberation.

…but for something bigger than us – we are as unconscious as an apple

If you do it for the money, you make me make it for money.

The slow and the silent die.
The loud and the fast live.

LIFE is BEAUTIFUL, my films are not

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LIFE is BEAUTIFUL
LIFE is filled with BEAUTY and LOVE

Is only the humans, with their inner and inter human relationships that make it Ugly and Terrifying. And I wondered why? I always wondered why is that?
And I got some answers: because of our self made fears, because the way we learn about life, because of our wrong inner construction, because of the Social/Political organisation of our Human/Class life, because of our Perceptive-Meaning-Thinking melange.
And so my films and art are about this, about the difficult process that we need to undergo so that we can come back to life, or to understand it. Not to enjoy it, not to be happy, but just merely to experience it. Happiness has nothing to do with Truth, with direct touch of life.
So no Beauty.
Beauty is a Formal Trap. Because all Beauty falls under the Values and Mores of Commercial Consumerism.
Beauty is like gold, like gambling, like porn, like drugs, easy to do, and hugely in demand. No questions asked. Beauty for Consume.
And I don’t want people Blindly indulging in their drives. Never getting to ask themselves why. Not caring about the seller’s reasons. Not caring about the sellers reason to sell.
Consuming Mind and Soul Numbing Beauty and Love is Fake. Is Toxic.
Living in Beauty and Love is not beautiful, is tough and challenging and filled with suffering and sacrifice.
I dancing Ballet, is playing the Violin – not listening to it, not looking at a dancer.
I try to make films that give the spectators the experience of playing the Violin, filled with fear, joy and exploration, with not knowing if is good or bad, with not knowing that your best is meaningful in anyway – not the one of listening Idly the song. Not enjoyment. But awe and magic.

I believe that Life is Amazing and Beautiful and Magic but we as conscious humans have so many problems to cross in order to connect somehow to it. Even if we feel good inside, praised and accomplished or regretful and weak.
Good an powerful is never the proof of Truth. Is just the proof of human fallacies and bias.