In November 2014 Andrei and I were working on #Beings together. I played Eva and here are some words about this experience:
I didn´t know Andrei and his work but I was very interested, when I first read about the idea of this movie.
On friday night, he sent me the script.
On Saturday I spent the day thinking about it – as there were a lot of aspects that made me face some of my biggest fears …
Saturday night, I suddenly had the feeling that it was right to give it a try.
On Sunday we met for the first time.
On Monday I met the cast and crew.
On Tuesday we started filming.
For someone like me, this was more than quick.
Well, I like long preparations. I like safety – or always considered myself being someone that likes safety and is in love with clear structures (as boring as it may sound).
So doing this movie was an adventure to me. But during the whole process, it just felt right and I enjoyed this adventure very much.
The relationship between actor and director is a very fragile one and in my opinionl, if it doesn´t work, everything feels like fighting alone for a lost case. You lose connection to your character, your partner and the story because you are busy protecting and defending yourself.
So I appreciate Andrei´s natural talent of working with actors. He created an atmosphere of security and trust. By putting trust in me, I was able to take some risks and to cross some borders, I had built up for myself some time ago. I always felt safe, so I wanted to jump …
There was always enough time to get in touch with your character, to try, to fail and to try again. I personally enjoy this kind of working the most because this makes me feel like part of the story, not like an accessory put in the right place. Andrei’s way of filming and using the camera may be different, but to me it makes sense. We did a lot of intimate moments and I was able to forget about the camera very easily. It felt more like a partner than an observer.
As we only had a small team and almost no financial support – everyone was asked to put their energy and belief in this project. It was cold, it was dark, it was confusing and we got lost … but I loved every second with you guys – in the car, on the road and in the forest, discovering lost buildings and hidden emotions.
I do believe in Andrei and his way of filmmaking. He is not afraid to ask questions and to discover and show what lies underneath common aesthetics. It would be great to find people to work with. People who support us and our ideas.
I´m looking forward to work with Andrei and this team again and I´m excited about what kind of adventure comes next!
Let´s rock –
Nature kills itself.
We are part of nature.
And we cant talk to her, there is no one there to understand why she does it.
It is in our nature – and these days our nature is wrong – and we dint know why.
Nature is a dieing suferind. All we can do is try and understand why.
Nature got suicidal. It invented humankind.
I guess that one of the roots of it all is the natural incompatibility between people, coupled with their need to work, pleasure, survive together.
This is how and why all the beauty arises.
That is why all trouble rise.
We are all incompatible with each other [ie. the refusal of a foreign replacing organ] putting it all behind is our daily struggle, and making and being good is our second added weight. That is why so few do it.
That is why all the violence, all the meaningless, all the class and social unrest and abuse.
That is why our need to disconnect – through pleasure, luxury, success, pride, promiscuity, religion, drugs, entertainment, art and intellectual escapism, even scientific method.
Disconnection is our natural drive to reconnect to a state of purity. And that is often painful and fearful. And that is so often refused and deemed evil.
I write a lot of unmade projects.
de ce pornografia strica reputatia?
de ce orice activitate sexuala publica strica o reputatie?
ce este o reputatie de poate fi stricata astfel?
pe ce se construieste o reputatie? oare pe aceleasi false si comune pretentiozitati?
daca sint un mare pianist de concert, de ce nu pot sa apar intr-un film gay scat violent alegoric la lupta culturii impotriva violentei si vilificarii tandretei masculine?
reputatie – este un minunat titlu de film
impreuna cu titlul Ugly – la care ma tot gindesc astazi.
multumesc Cosmin pentru thought provocation
I still can’t decide
To learn guitar and music
Or to explore it by myself
Append to tradition and good/best ways – append to their goals and values and forms
Or explore raw new unstable wrong ways?
Humanity is not the purpose of life.
But without humanity we couldn’t miss the meaning of life. Continue reading “june facebook notes and thoughts”
There are so much more important problems than the problems of the #soul
Should we ignore them, of ignore the soul? Well…
I guess we should ignore the thing that gives one, the least amount of pain and trouble.
I often wonder if I would care for these stupid issues, if in my teens I would discover some kind of popular talent.
I guess those that have nothing, remain with only their soul. Or become savage impotent angry animals.
A true #cult movie never promotes itself, its just left for dead until it putrefies and after one or two generations is found again, now purified of all contextuality.
A true cult film is found through wandering. Wandering on the way.
It all comes from the belief that is direct communication is not necessary, that only by putting thing into existence, through consciousness into the meta will spread and fly into the world and rain onto everyone.
ie: Tibetan prayers, Monastic Christianity, Theravada Buddhism, Taoism.
There are some things that need to be told in #silence.
Cind ma gindesc ca peste 40 de ani nu o sa mai inteleg nimic din lume, si ca o sa ma raportez la zilele astea si la lumea asta de acum. Silly.
Cinema is drifting out of Cinema
I am getting further and further away from Cinema.
I am starting not to understand it more and more.
Continue reading “may facebook notes and thoughts”
LIFE is BEAUTIFUL
LIFE is filled with BEAUTY and LOVE
Is only the humans, with their inner and inter human relationships that make it Ugly and Terrifying. And I wondered why? I always wondered why is that?
And I got some answers: because of our self made fears, because the way we learn about life, because of our wrong inner construction, because of the Social/Political organisation of our Human/Class life, because of our Perceptive-Meaning-Thinking melange.
And so my films and art are about this, about the difficult process that we need to undergo so that we can come back to life, or to understand it. Not to enjoy it, not to be happy, but just merely to experience it. Happiness has nothing to do with Truth, with direct touch of life.
So no Beauty.
Beauty is a Formal Trap. Because all Beauty falls under the Values and Mores of Commercial Consumerism.
Beauty is like gold, like gambling, like porn, like drugs, easy to do, and hugely in demand. No questions asked. Beauty for Consume.
And I don’t want people Blindly indulging in their drives. Never getting to ask themselves why. Not caring about the seller’s reasons. Not caring about the sellers reason to sell.
Consuming Mind and Soul Numbing Beauty and Love is Fake. Is Toxic.
Living in Beauty and Love is not beautiful, is tough and challenging and filled with suffering and sacrifice.
I dancing Ballet, is playing the Violin – not listening to it, not looking at a dancer.
I try to make films that give the spectators the experience of playing the Violin, filled with fear, joy and exploration, with not knowing if is good or bad, with not knowing that your best is meaningful in anyway – not the one of listening Idly the song. Not enjoyment. But awe and magic.
I believe that Life is Amazing and Beautiful and Magic but we as conscious humans have so many problems to cross in order to connect somehow to it. Even if we feel good inside, praised and accomplished or regretful and weak.
Good an powerful is never the proof of Truth. Is just the proof of human fallacies and bias.
There is a new world out there and it needs new stories.
It needs a new, origin, raw, organic, mythology.
There would be no Paul Klee if we all would strive to speak to each other in the same language. There would be no new ways, no new emotions, no perspectiva on our own world.
We are in a continuous search for a better perspective, a wider view upon our immense complex inner/outher processual being.
We live in a constant state of mild addiction. There is no rationality.
When I write I disconnect from all is life.
The refinement process has 90% waste.
We follow those that do their thing with love.
No matter what they do.
Is a human weakness.
Is a human bias.
Those that find the way to do it with a lot of love.
No matter what, evil, trash, noise, ugliness, violence, hopelessness, lies, beauty, meaning, truth.
We are suckers for love.
For love and sugar.
Continue reading “april facebook notes and thoughts”
I found myself more and more that I am mainly interested in #sacred art, in what gods do, in how gods are. And I begin to believe that gods are somehow our essence on which has grown the thick bush of this permanent dialogue with nature, with people, with the world.
And sometimes that essence is forgotten.
Maybe that is why Butoh, that is why porn, that is why nakedness, simplicity, sincerity, magic, documentary, non-styling, raw, chaotic, non-temporal, meta-realistic and whatever weird things I feel so necessary to be told.
It is not porn it is an essential, emotional way, a holistic way to show the root.
And about the darkness I think is about the thing that essence is somewhere hidden in darkness. So in darkness is always light. Is about the faint light in darkness. There is never complete darkness. Is all about the little light in the darkness.
I always thought myself somewhere between cinema and photography and painting. Somewhere between fiction and reality. Somewhere between real and emotional physics. Between Rational and Social logic. Somewhere between Western, Middle and Eastern cultures. Somewhere between Art and Entertainment. Between Weirdo and Normal. Between Life and Death.
And I thought I will be recognized as being all, but now I know better.
Everybody said – you are not one of us.
And they are so right because all this time I only said –
I am not one of you.
People want Art to comfort and ease their fear of loneliness and meaningless fail at life.
That is why we have Culture.
And there is another thing, unfortunately also called #Art that wants People to confront their innate nature and brake free from Death from our terror of death and its absolute loneliness.
These two kinds of Art, actually divide People in two different kinds of human beings. Those that create and sustain societies for the sole reason of safety and comfort. And those that use their life to explore with their own body, mind and soul the inner windings of what ‘be’, ‘have’, ‘am’ might be and how they function and how they create perception, experience and life.
Is traditional way of life connected with meaning and life only through responsibility, through the burden of desires, through the instinct of becoming apart of the norm? Does it have a deeper meaning? A connection with the soul or is just fake? A fake violently painted in righteousness.
I find so many arguments that proves me it is Fake.
But something tells me there is something there original truthful but lost in the process.
I am so afraid knowing that so easy one can create self sustainable worlds. Disconnected from the deep, from the soul, from the breath. From the magic.
The New Help
Junkies act like People
Fix no Cure
No moving parts – thinking about the tape, vinil, cassete, cd – now the sd cards – tehnology changes thinking, ch philosophy
Normative (roles the World)
Mistical intuition of scientific truth
No days no months no years
24 degrees celsius
People are toys
Only the recorded life is fufilling
(real) – bidemnsional reality
The 3rd chapter
Life is electronic
person and Place
Character and action
Fear made me selfish
I like pink foods
I am not one of you
Fixed matrix of spheres
Izometric – care pastreaza distanta a doua puncte oarecare – contractie a unui muschi fara ca acesta sa se poata scurta, raminind la aceeasi lungime
Have a break
I am not one of you
I wanna be a sitting duck
The body manipulates the mind
Falling of the table
The Cheruvim robot in Eden
Infundat in gind
Pain is consequence
The un-reality of real life
Un tuned society
Don’t be afraid of the ugly
My brain is not active
Unificarea creierului mama
Art as pet
Xxx Safety sucks – used
Continue reading “Titles”
All the good people want to make this world a better place. More beautiful and hopefully happier.
But let us supose all the world has became beautiful. What now?
How would the people think, feel, desire? What kind of people would be?
Would the people see all as beauty. Or would a sort of general beauty be posible for all?
A post-human world.
international in setting, culture, social
meta in purpose
focused on inner experience and turmoil
It is another kind of performance, another kind of looking at a moving image. It is an image. The actor plays himself as acute and deep as he can. The characters have open hearts and vulnerable souls. It is not what they do but what they feel. Is the story of a feeling.
Is narrative art that explores feelings in emotional form. Is not about behavior anymore. Is about the extension and expression of special feelings.
No more Love and Dread. Our inner universe is so much more than that.
Is not action, is only emotion.
The spectator is involved is not only shown something. He has to figure things out. He has to make his own mind.
There is no ending, no conclusion. All stories are open. For our lives are always open. Always surprising.
Is another kind of outlook on life.
PostCinema is the cinema we do.
Sport is not Art
never look at Art with the expectations of Sport
Art is sacrifice
Sport is conquest
Art is for people that have money, or act as if they have them. People that need more than utilities and comfort. People that need complex, esthetic and sometimes challenging new things.
Nobody that has money or wants them will watch a QualiaFilm because we can’t show them anything beautiful in our films, we use only leftovers, trash an worn out objects.
No one that fears, respects or believes in Church and its Laws, because we brake the laws of decency and respect to test our ideas, feelings and relationships out there in the ‘open space’.
No one that fights and work for their house, food, children and social status, because our characters always want to brake free from their 8 to 5 life. They all want to find the Other Life. Toe one hidden behind our minds.
No one that loves and yearns to win, to have, to power and control, because we hate competition, without it we can open new doors or perception.